we can talk for hours or just lay in bed

I think when you try to get someone to love you for so long, and when they don't, you don't know how to love yourself either. In so many ways i'm better off with my heart beating again, food tastes differently, and everyone isn't him they're someone else, and you can run a mile in under nine minutes, and you can love sad songs again; and romance and it doesn't hurt you. But when i'm alone it's not because I choose to be, and I've lost all creativity, and i'm feeling so lonely that now it's everyone else and not just you. I'm doing the fate thing when I think everything is leading up to some great moment that will inevitebly change everything for me, and you'd think that seeing as the odds are 9/10 and not in my favor.. i'd learn that sometimes you can't rely on fate, or chemistry, or coincidence even.. you rely on yourself. But I'm not sure that I have, I keep thinking what if it's that 1/10 that changes it around? but it isn't, is it? November told me that I have two flaws, being a girl; and playing it safe.. and he's right. I need to losen up a little bit, maybe even a lot. and it's not our fault we cry during sad movies, it's genetics.

I heard you told meagan that she deserves to be happy, and that you hope he treats her right, and I'm trying to just go with the flow, i'm really trying.