happiness doesn't come cheap, if it did we'd all be smiling.

There's one major problem with sitting shotgun, and that is... you're not the one driving. I think I took a backseat to the first seventeen years of my life, and I think I was everyones shoulder. and when everyone else was falling in love I forgot to be someones face or hands, and now I have no idea how to be... Everyones in love these days, and everyone is smiling, and everyone is living. and I don't know how to do any of it anymore I'm just struggling, and again being heartbroken and It's good to know I'm human. But the worst part is that everyday that I'm living, I'm closer to dying. and I do more of that anyways.

I'm done with fate though, it doesn't exist, and if it does it's only 2% and not 98 like I've always thought. I got my heartbroken on the exact same day this year as when january started it two years ago, maybe it's just a trend. But it doesn't hurt as badly this year. I've always thought that one day I was going to wake up and we were going to tell each other everything that needed to be said, and it would all change, and I'd learn what being needed felt like. But I didn't? and you didn't need me, or want me, and you said everything I've always been afraid of and I hate you for it. and then I went home and no-one will know I cried that night, and I won't know what you do on weekdays anymore. and I guess I still can't write.

But Lucas still makes me smile, and sam still keeps me laughing, and I'm jessica's shoulder, and no-0ne has my hands. I just want to be happy again, but I still won't just take what I can get because I've never been that girl.