When you love someone but it goes to waste

november and I said our goodbyes a few days ago, i think it was on wednesday. and you left on thursday, which turned into friday, which turned into saturday morning and I don't know if you're gone yet. and for the last time i'll say something i've said twenty times, that I'm not in love with january anymore. I've been debating it for the past two weeks, we skyped on new years, I became friends with your sister, you guys have the same eyes by the way. But I know for once in my life that i mean it because two days ago was january seventh, and this year I didn't cry, and this year I didn't visit our spot, and this year I just let you go. and the weirdest thing happened, I kinda missed being heartbroken; i used to blame all my problems on it. and this year I couldn't. So i conclusively reminded myself that i just need to get better, and so will everything else. This is the one speed bump i just couldn't get over, and I guess there is no turning back.

we didn't say the things I wanted to say, For the past year I've told myself there would be a time and place for it, but it never came. Maybe they were all the time and place. but I give up trying to tell you how I feel, and we never kissed like we were probably supposed to, and it never amounted to anything. and so i'm getting over that too. I can't write like I used to, and it's either a side effect of growing, or i'm losing it. my creativity has been constantly going in and out of states for the past three years, and i'm not sure where it's at now.

I'm not going to call you december, I'm going to call you lucas.. because that's your name, and it's too early to write about you but I am anyways because you're cute, and you make me smile, and if you can do that.. then i'm going to write about you sooner or later so I choose now.

i'm lost in the cold weather that january has brought, I haven't seen the snow. i heard it came when I left and for once in my life I wish it was here. and I wish I was here too and I don't know where I am, or where my heart is at, but its sure not in korea.