I don't know what to do, and i'm not sure why but it's like i'm missing something around the house that I've never owned. and the snow is sticking, because it's 27 degrees. and i'm stuck because I know there is so much more out there and i'm a small corner bedroom hoping this isn't the best it ever gets for me. and not knowing how to change that because it's not even good. i'm not sure what to do next, and i've relied on faith so much that i'm not sure it even exists. no risk no reward though, and maybe when you leave on new years it's because i never risked it. and i'm hoping that some place in the universe had us destined to happen but never did. at least i'd know that it's not because it wasn't supposed to happen, it's because I didn't let it. and that is a lot easier to get a grip on then knowing everything you really want just never will be yours because of fate. and maybe in the end it's all chance, but either way i'm not getting it and i'd rather it be my fault that life isn't turning out the way I want it to. i've got to go, it's getting cold and lonely and december is just one month shy of january, and before long is will be october.