I just decided that you are going to stop me from falling in love with anyone else. I know this sounds ridiculous, but I'm going to use you as a sheild from being heartbroken, so the next time you see me happy, or hopeful, or falling for someone. Stop me. I just need to think to myself do they stand a chance against you.. they don't. It's not their fault, because they win and I lose because for the rest of my life he will control how I feel about everyone else. The thing is I have been spending the entirety of this year doing the same thing to myself. I have no idea what learning from my mistakes would look like, I just know it has a little more class than this. I have been desperately trying to find someone who can compete with you. I've failed. Sometimes you really do waste all this time on absolutely nothing, while the rest of the world is living their seperate lives, and sometimes your the only one who notices. Nothing better is coming, and It's about time that I realise that I just need to step forward in my life and forget all these people who used to matter because they don't anymore. I'm not trying to sound mellowdramatic but I just want you to know that life doesn't always get better for everyone, sometimes it stays the same. I've wasted so much time being miserble that I forgot how to be happy. I don't care about being pathetic, being heartbroken feels worse.


i'm a waste.