I still feel like a twelve year old girl. In that I get overly excited when an cute boy texts me. Even though they haven't, at least not since thursday. I thought highschool was supposed to be this period where you gain all this experience, and then you push it to the extreme in college, and simmer down afterwards. I've got nothing. The only thing I know how to do is be unnattractive and nervous around the opposite sex. I mean it too, the only thing i've been in highschool is heartbroken. I get nervous when a guy sits next to me on a couch for gods sake. I am definately doing something wrong, I have no idea what being attractive to a guy would look like. In this aspect I have failed. I'm clingy though, and I still don't learn from my mistakes. I feel like this is me being depressed about it, but I just really wish I would learn something that would at least help me out a little bit in this department. I guess it doesn't help that I am in love, and heartbroken all at the same time.

It also doesn't help that november tells me I'm cute, and gets me excited and then cuts me off by telling me it was only "random bike ride kid who I tell my secrets to". He also puts his arms around me sometimes and tells me he wishes we could just stay like this. I'm so absent minded when it comes to you. I just think I take holding hands as a lot more than it is, and it's probably only because i'd like it to be. We've only slept in the same bed twice, and both times it's the same thing.






i am overly confused, and oblivious, possibly a side order of retarded.