to quote the flaming lips.. all we have is now

I haven't talked to lucas in a month and a little over a week. It hurts, I can't change anything. I moved up here to get away from all the pain that I had back in that town but it followed me, and my hearts still broken, even ninety miles away. I know that i'm just looking for an escape, and I know that I have one. I think I used to call him june? Maybe he was july, if i've ever had one. Or maybe I called him hawaii, because until this june that's where he is. There's something that brings you back to me for summer romances for the past four years. I don't know why. We used to lay in jades bed over the summer and watch oc reruns, and play thumbwar, and to date you're the only person whos hands sweat more than mine when you're holding them. I can't really remember if that's still true. I used to vaguely compare us to summer and seth, and you texted me at seven in the morning once to tell me that this is what happiness looks like, but i'm not so sure. I wonder where this'll go. Maybe nowhere, maybe i'll waste my weekends on you, maybe i'll keep it casual, or maybe you'll have my entire summer. But I don't know how to hold you in the winter.