they don't mind.

I'm not too sure what happened to me, i was never too keen at believing things that never happened. could i possibly be happy knowing that something never existed. i just want the best of me to show, and the rest of it to go away. and i want to do the things i'm too nervous to do, and say whatevers on my mind. and fall in love, mostly I want to fall in love. and for real this time, not the stupid unrequited bullshit that takes up the past two years, or the one sided crushes. i don't even remember what really being wanted would look like. i can't picture someone wanting to spend their free time with me even. i don't know what having someone hold your hand for the first time would look like anymore. its pathetic, everything i'm trying to pretend to just feel wanted. but even if you don't want me, I just need someone else to.

pathetic, but being alone is just so lonely now.