"come back to me?"..."always"

and i'm a little sad when I think about how you really are the one who never really got away from her. But I guess that is what love looks like, It's falling in love with other people in the middle yet always coming back to each other. even when you've had it good, or great, and even when your happy. but there still is that line between being happy and being the happiest and I guess I'll look for that. It wasn't love was it? I wasn't in love? and I'd like to think that neither of them are either.

I did this stupid thing yesterday, and I looked for you at work and I saw a few people who weren't you, and each aisle I went down I had this small ounce of anticipation like it was march again, and then it turned back into november and I remembered your not here anymore. As hard it is for me to say this, you ruined highschool. Because I spent sophmore year doing what I thought was falling in love with you, and junior year trying to get over you, and a little bit of senior year trying to find someone else and ultimately forget you. I guess It's a process but I would have prefered the middle school drama. I have been wasting my entire teenage years on bullshit, and feelings, and computer time, and I've forgotten how to live, and breathe, and I haven't had a chance to love. and words won't change any of this. it's so pathetic, I see people enjoying themselves, and then I wallow in a pond of self pity and hate myself for it, and then the process starts over and I still don't change it. fuck my life, fuck the insecurity, fuck the things I can't seem to get over, fuck jealousy, and hate mail, and boring nights, fuck everything.
fuuuuuuuuuuuuuccccccccccccck my life.