I feel like I could take on the world right now, and I feel this strange feeling that started in my hands and worked it's way down to my knees and with the rate it's moving it should hit my feet by the time I'm doing writing this. It's this feeling that makes me not want to sleep alone anymore, and not waste too much time and I can hardly sit still thinking about how boring it's been lately. I know my life is getting so much better, and it's because of small feelings like this that have been multiplied at least twenty times and then let go to shift off into the universe and grow. I don't know how temporary this is, but I think it's a feeling that would make my mouth not stop moving, my knee's weak, and my hands miss you a little bit, and even though we can't go a day without talking my bed misses you a little bit, and I just want you to sleep in it because i'm so cold now. This doesn't make sense I know, I just feel like something incredible is missing and I know it's probably you. I know i encouraged you to move but can I go back to a month ago and tell you that my house is going to miss you sitting in it at night, and that the only times I want him is when your gone. I'm not in love anymore, and missing january has been the reason i've been so confused. I don't know him, I have no idea what he's doing with his life I don't know what he did yesterday, or tonight and I really don't care. The only thing I miss about him is his hands and that's only because they were constantly holding mine and I don't remember what they look like anymore. Maybe I just miss having someone around who never told me what I wanted to hear because I just like imagining hearing about it. Sometimes I feel so alone, and all my friends are in love with each other, and the ones who aren't are in love with someone who doesn't stop calling them, or who is in montana figuring his life out, or laying on her couch, or laying at her house while you try thinking of ways to get him back. Either way being in love alone is less lonely than not being in love at all because at least you have someone to give your heart to even if they don't want to have it. and I know anyone who is in this position can argue it, but I was there every day for nineteen months up until yesterday and I've never felt so alone. I'm completely forgetting everything he's every said to me, or everything I've ever felt. Which makes me wonder if i've ever really felt it. and It feels so unreal, and so distant that I'm wishing I had the guts to fall in love again, but I went to his house and got my heart out from under his bed and it's slowly beating beneath my chest again and I can breathe so much easier now. I'm coming into my last year of highschool, and I'm figuring my life out, and I'm learning a little bit, and I'm talking a little bit more, and my enemies don't hate me because we have too much in common, and the guy who I thought was always the greatest really isn't. He's just some boy who always knows the right thing to say to keep him on top, or in her case on bottom and I don't miss him I miss the thought of having him around, and I miss the way he looked at me, but I don't miss the way I felt because I never really felt that way I just made it up because I thought I really meant it. and I miss the way I used to wake up and be so excited to live, because normally when I wake up I wish the day was over. But not so much anymore because I'm a little bit happy and I haven't been that in the last two years. wish me luck.
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