at my ability to love things that I can't have.

I'm seriously not trying to contradict my last post in the slightest. But I finally realised why people spend their entirity trying to find someone to settle down with, or at least... settle. I think it only happens after you've loved and lost, or lost and realise you never really loved. Sometimes there is this small feeling you get and it starts in your toes, or your hands and you feel this uncontrolable comfort being able to sit next to someone who gives you all they have. Sometimes you really can see the world and experience life sitting shotgun. Just as long as you have the right person along for the ride. All it really comes down to is who the person is. It's not the person you put your energy into, or the person you hold onto with everything you have because your so afraid of letting go. It's someone else. Whoever they may be, you aren't looking for them. It's this person who comes along and uncontrolably makes you feel a certain way. Someone you follow your head with, not your heart and it's this small understanding that this person brings out the best in you, not limited to just good days but also you at your very worst. Its feeling this and being capable of understanding that this is the best it's ever going to get for you and in return being completely and utterly happy knowing this. and in that moment not caring that you had your heart broke two years ago, or your "problems at home" but caring that this person gives you their best, and their free time, and sometimes their hands. Maybe even the realisation that all these people who broke your heart once are just placeholders. Love isn't hard at all, we just find the wrong person to give it to. In no way shape or form am I trying to promote using all your energy on this, what I'm trying to say is that it's normal to feel lonely. Missing someone is a part of life but it shouldn't control it. Put mostly everything above it, feel void sometimes because being vulnerable makes things so much harder. and above all, next time your really missing someone, or wanting someone relax and think for just a minute if you felt it, that understanding, and if you for a second find that it's not then you are doing something wrong. I'm not trying to be a cynic but you shouldn't ever fall in love with someone who you constantly battle with. Loving someone means never having to be sad about it.

I only say all of this because I realised even living can sometimes get lonely. I wasn't trying to tell you that being in love is a bad thing, but wasting time trying to find it, is. You don't even have to listen to me, I don't know anything about love. Sometimes I hardly live, I waste time everyday. But you don't want to be like me, and you don't want to live this way. and I really don't want to see you waste this, and I mean that with as much honesty as I can muster. So stop reading this, and do something.